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trance missions

from thee ana m0thership

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updates, co-sleeping, hollow belly
iconz by rouk
only 4 people correctly guessed the day i would go into labour, which was my official "due date", july 30th.
these 4 people are:


so email me at anavoog at gmail dot com to claim your prize :)


in other news,

lili is one week old now!
lili is getting more fat :) it's so cool that my milk can do this! what a mystery the body is.
she is squiggling a lot more and attempting to move her head back and forth
she is getting stronger and more vigorous.
she opens her eyes a lot more now and tries to look at things
she cries a little bit more (when she wants things)
she looks at me in the eyes when i talk to her and feed her and jumps at loud noises
she poops a lot :)
i continue to make enough breast milk to feed her, although pumping my milk is sooooooooo boring and makes me feel claustrophobic and i seriously don't know how i am going to deal with doing it 6+ times a day for at least 6 months or more without going completely insane. but i have to...so i will.
my entire life is lili right now. there is no time for anything else.
feed, change diapers, hold her, wash her, watch over her, try to sleep and feed myself, try to bathe myself, do laundry wash bottles
rinse repeat
m doesn't go back to work for a few more weeks still, but i DREAD immensely him going back to work and me being here all alone doing it myself for 10 hours a day. the thought scares the crap out of me but hopefully i will get the hang of it in a few more weeks.
but i really don't know how i will do all of this without M here.
i still don't have my energy back and i continue to be quite sore. and m dropped a big heavy plate on his toe the other day and now he cannot walk.
it is black and blue and he is going to lose that nail, for sure :( he hobbles around now just as i did for the past 6 months because i dropped a bowling ball on my toe. now we have matching toes. it's just weird. we are the limping couple.
my stomache doesn't look as bad as i thought it would, but when i look down at it i do not really recognize it as mine and that freaks me out a little.

yesterday i went to target and i found myself putting my hand on my belly in the way i did when i was pregnant.
then i realized what i was doing and realized that there was no point to holding my hand like that there anymore because there was nothing in my belly and that made me quite sad. my belly is now just an unspecial hollow belly. and i, selfishly, miss the twinkle in people's eyes that i would get as they saw my belly.
it's kind of a drag to go from feeling so special and pregnant and having a magical belly to having a hollow belly that is just flabby with a weird blown out belly button on it now. *a sigh of loss and slight vanity*
my breasts are farging huge and porn starish. (they were already porn starish but even moreso now)

when we tell people that we co-sleep with lili we ALWAYS get "aren't you afarid you are going to roll over on her and suffocate her?"
the answer to this is an obvious "no"
if we thought we were going to roll over on her then we would not co-sleep.

we were trying to think of a way to make people understand that we are aware that she is in the bed with us and so would never do that.
then i realized a good way to explain this is that adults (except in a few rare cases, i suppose, maybe because they are intoxicated or are sleep walkers) never roll out of bed and fall on the floor. if we were all so unaware of the edges of the bed, so completely out-of-it when we are sleeping, you would think that rolling our of bed and falling onto the floor would be an almost nighttime occurrence for most. but it isn't.
we are all aware of where the edges of the bed are and we do not fall off the bed at night.

i also find it extremely sexist that when this concern is brought up, it is always assumed that the man is the one who will end up rolling over and killing his child by accident.
what a horrible thing to put into men's psyches that they are so insensitive, clumsy, and unaware that they would inadvertently kill their own child in their sleep.
men have paternal insticts that are just as strong as maternal. and to invalidate and not recognize that is really damaging, i think.
what an awful fear to put into men that they cannot rely on their intuition and awareness and might kill their own children in their sleep.
it's very sad and ridiculous.


there is still a lot we need that is on our baby registry.
i added a bunch of new things because i did not anticipate that i would be using bottles and such.
and we need more pajamas and receiving blankets.
it's easier to know what we need now that she is here.

or M (the dad) has a paypal account, and a few of you have asked if you could paypal lili a gift, so yes, here is the paypal address:


$ will go towards medical bills

and here is the registry:

ana voog and matthew bruce's entire Baby Registry at:

or send us a gift:

please send to:

ana voog
p.o. box 76152
saint paul, MN

and please make cheques and money orders out to:
rachael olson (my legal name) or matthew bruce

thank you!

the milky one,

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Hi Ana,

I pump 6+ times a day because I work away from home - been at it four months now. Yesterday I was laughing at something I thought of, out loud, while pumping (in the bathroom... barbaric!!) and someone came in. It gets SOOOO boring Doh. I pump at the computer at home. I have had many moments where I thought I wouldn't make, can't do it anymore, but my poor baby taking formula (yuck!!) keeps me going.

Every time I have a supply problem I remind myself that formula for him is like eating at McDonalds. It always is kinda gross, you don't want to do it often, but once in awhile isn't the end of the world. He's only ever had 7 ounces of formula in his 5 1/2 months, and some of that was due to my being hospitalized for hemorrhaging and on medication that forced me to pump and dump.

On the issue of co-sleeping, this is my second baby and I co-sleep with him just like I did with my first boy (10 years old come 9/11). And when it comes to having daddy in bed, with boy #1 his father started awake one night when I shifted a little and actually shoved me out of bed because he was afraid that *I* had just rolled on the baby. He was just as acutely aware of where the baby was. Let the naysayers put that in their hats and smoke it!

Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to let you know that the pumping is worth the insanity it brings, and co-sleeping is exactly as it is supposed to be for mom AND dad. Congrats!

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