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trance missions

from thee ana m0thership

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updates, co-sleeping, hollow belly
iconz by rouk
only 4 people correctly guessed the day i would go into labour, which was my official "due date", july 30th.
these 4 people are:


so email me at anavoog at gmail dot com to claim your prize :)


in other news,

lili is one week old now!
lili is getting more fat :) it's so cool that my milk can do this! what a mystery the body is.
she is squiggling a lot more and attempting to move her head back and forth
she is getting stronger and more vigorous.
she opens her eyes a lot more now and tries to look at things
she cries a little bit more (when she wants things)
she looks at me in the eyes when i talk to her and feed her and jumps at loud noises
she poops a lot :)
i continue to make enough breast milk to feed her, although pumping my milk is sooooooooo boring and makes me feel claustrophobic and i seriously don't know how i am going to deal with doing it 6+ times a day for at least 6 months or more without going completely insane. but i have to...so i will.
my entire life is lili right now. there is no time for anything else.
feed, change diapers, hold her, wash her, watch over her, try to sleep and feed myself, try to bathe myself, do laundry wash bottles
rinse repeat
m doesn't go back to work for a few more weeks still, but i DREAD immensely him going back to work and me being here all alone doing it myself for 10 hours a day. the thought scares the crap out of me but hopefully i will get the hang of it in a few more weeks.
but i really don't know how i will do all of this without M here.
i still don't have my energy back and i continue to be quite sore. and m dropped a big heavy plate on his toe the other day and now he cannot walk.
it is black and blue and he is going to lose that nail, for sure :( he hobbles around now just as i did for the past 6 months because i dropped a bowling ball on my toe. now we have matching toes. it's just weird. we are the limping couple.
my stomache doesn't look as bad as i thought it would, but when i look down at it i do not really recognize it as mine and that freaks me out a little.

yesterday i went to target and i found myself putting my hand on my belly in the way i did when i was pregnant.
then i realized what i was doing and realized that there was no point to holding my hand like that there anymore because there was nothing in my belly and that made me quite sad. my belly is now just an unspecial hollow belly. and i, selfishly, miss the twinkle in people's eyes that i would get as they saw my belly.
it's kind of a drag to go from feeling so special and pregnant and having a magical belly to having a hollow belly that is just flabby with a weird blown out belly button on it now. *a sigh of loss and slight vanity*
my breasts are farging huge and porn starish. (they were already porn starish but even moreso now)

when we tell people that we co-sleep with lili we ALWAYS get "aren't you afarid you are going to roll over on her and suffocate her?"
the answer to this is an obvious "no"
if we thought we were going to roll over on her then we would not co-sleep.

we were trying to think of a way to make people understand that we are aware that she is in the bed with us and so would never do that.
then i realized a good way to explain this is that adults (except in a few rare cases, i suppose, maybe because they are intoxicated or are sleep walkers) never roll out of bed and fall on the floor. if we were all so unaware of the edges of the bed, so completely out-of-it when we are sleeping, you would think that rolling our of bed and falling onto the floor would be an almost nighttime occurrence for most. but it isn't.
we are all aware of where the edges of the bed are and we do not fall off the bed at night.

i also find it extremely sexist that when this concern is brought up, it is always assumed that the man is the one who will end up rolling over and killing his child by accident.
what a horrible thing to put into men's psyches that they are so insensitive, clumsy, and unaware that they would inadvertently kill their own child in their sleep.
men have paternal insticts that are just as strong as maternal. and to invalidate and not recognize that is really damaging, i think.
what an awful fear to put into men that they cannot rely on their intuition and awareness and might kill their own children in their sleep.
it's very sad and ridiculous.


there is still a lot we need that is on our baby registry.
i added a bunch of new things because i did not anticipate that i would be using bottles and such.
and we need more pajamas and receiving blankets.
it's easier to know what we need now that she is here.

or M (the dad) has a paypal account, and a few of you have asked if you could paypal lili a gift, so yes, here is the paypal address:


$ will go towards medical bills

and here is the registry:

ana voog and matthew bruce's entire Baby Registry at:

or send us a gift:

please send to:

ana voog
p.o. box 76152
saint paul, MN

and please make cheques and money orders out to:
rachael olson (my legal name) or matthew bruce

thank you!

the milky one,

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(Deleted comment)
it depends on what it is :)

I've been reading about your family since lili was born. Just another person wishing you all well from my corner of the world.

My first son was born 3 months early and I had to pumppumppump all the time.

I got a bra that allows for hands free pumping:
so I could read a book, be online, knit, sew, whatever, and it made the time pass a bit faster.

I think what you're doing, providing her w/ br milk for as long as you can, is wonderful.

thinking of you all from MA,
oh, BTW- we coslept w/ our son when he finally came home from the hospital, and we now cosleep w/ our 9 mo old. We tried cosleeping the 4 of us in a queen size bed, but our oldest recently asked to swich to a toddler bed so we have a bit more room. We always called him "the middle part of the H" because he took up so much room in the bed. cosleeping worked for us and made sense for the way we wanted to parent.
doesn't work for everyone, but I feel like it's too cozy not to do!

I saw you were in MA and I just wanted to say hi from RI! :)

You are doing a great job. You obviously did your research and you're doing all the right things for Lili and it is wonderful to "see" in your posts. We co-sleep too and sometimes (depending on who is critisizing) I explain how throughout my teens and 20s I slept with baby rats and never once squished one - even in the deepest sleep I always was aware of where the rat was in the bed. Granted, this would simply freak out some people but if I can remain aware of a tiny creature that sleeps so deeply and weighs just ounces, a baby with a grapefruit sized head is really going to be safe. I also get annoyed when the warnings are aimed at men, and also (only in the US though) fat women are "warned" away from co-sleeping as if our bodies are so numb and sloppy! Co-sleeping is going so far against the grain many people simply do not understand it.

Sorry about M's foot :^( ouch!

I think the co-sleeping you do is wonderful, it seems like there's so much benefit to it for lili, who gets to experience the scent of her parents and body heat and all those other very primal body aspects that give her comfort and make her feel bonded and protected. Plus, I understand what you mean about being aware even while asleep. As so many people have done, I've co-slept across the years with my various pets (including tiny kittens and even tiny pet rats), and it's true, somehow your body just knows where they are and you roll around or move very carefully accordingly. It's an instinct that's really cool and nifty to know you have, isn't it!

Congratulations dearest Ana, M, and little Lili. When I see your anacam, I see so much love and so much tenderness. Melts my heart. Family bed is what it was called when we had our son 21 years ago. He slept between us for 5 years. When I researched the subject I came to find out we are one of the only cultures in the history of humankind that does not sleep with our young right next to us. Our baby lives inside our body for nine months and then to birth them, put them in a crib in their own room....why that's criminal. Everyone gave us crap.......my midwife told me we would ruin him if he didn't sleep in a crib so we got one, assembled it, put him in and he cried for four hours straight. Well, that was the first and last time he ever slept anywhere (until he decided he was ready) else except in "family bed". He turned out well adjusted, secure and quite perfect. I will try to find my book called "family bed" and send it to you. Love and blessings
PS..He never got rolled on once

As with anything related to parenting, there's a million conflicting opinions on co-sleeping. We plan to do it; my midwife highly recommended it as well. She said that babies are aware when everyone else is cozy together in "the den" and they're left out :) Friends of mine have been less than encouraging about this, but I know this is what's right for us.

Doesn't co-sleeping regulate a baby's breathing and help prevent SIDs?


It is beautiful that people who give just a little to you can help a lot. We should all do this for all children.

Co-sleeping does reduce the likelihood of SIDS.

Ouch - dropping that plate on his foot sounds painful - I hope M is better soon.
Co-sleeping is always good for the baby. Whenever I've heard of babies being squashed in the bed it is because the parent is fairly overweight, and suffers from sleep apena. My mum has always slept with her baby in the bed, usually up untill they are around 1 or 2 years old.

i will definitely try to send something to mama bear and baby bear.
would you think it gross if i sent you some avent bottles that we've washed and stored? i figure, after the newborn stage when they don't need to be super sterilized, it won't really matter that they weren't brand new, but a never really took to bottles so i can't say the nipples were ever truly "used", you know?

you're also using cloth diapers, right?

oh and do you babywear?
i think having a in a wrap at all times for the first six months heloed with that vacant belly feeling. it seriously felt like i was still pregnant when he was newborn, anyway, and all curled up in the wrap. i don't suggest a baby bjorn but a more traditional carrier might become invaluable for you, if you haven't already got one or more ;)

i co-slept with my son and my daughter, much to every ones dismay (not like i really have an interest in how people think i should raise my kids) but they are 3 and 2 and still alive.and its just like you said you are still aware they are their even though your sleeping.Here's a great article on co-sleeping http://www.attachmentparenting.com/artbenefitscosleep.shtml Always kept in mind that just because the baby is born DOESN'T mean that the child is ready to face a strange and new world on their own, the baby is use to being inside of its mother, its moms voice its moms breathe. close your eyes and try to imagine being somewhere so safe so peaceful so tranquil then poof all this new scary things how terrifying.


Im not in a place I can send you a new gift but if you would like any baby clothes - I had my little girl 4/06 and I would be glad to send you extras if you would like them
She was the first grandchild so she got way to much junk :)

Hello Milky One. You get the e-mail I sent yesterday with breast feeding information? Don't mean to be intrusive, just want to make sure it didn't get lost as there is some good information in there I gleaned from a post-partum doula friend. There IS still hope to get her feeding from your breast so you don't have to deal with all that pumping.

I agree. I don't know how I would have dealt with pumping so frequently with a newborn. There are tons of resources for help, if this isn't a personal choice you're making.

Your baby is beautiful!

Sometimes you make more milk if you are holding the baby while you pump. If you can manage that with just two hands (harder when they wriggle). When I was at work I had a place I could sit and just lean forward and sort of nap and leaning forward made it drain faster. We used to sleep with baby #1 on our tummies because he was a preemie and the motion of our breathing was supposed to help him keep breathing because he had newborn apnea. Plus he didn't scream that way.

congratulations, you all make a beautiful family.
coming from a co-sleeping, lactivist, baby wearing weirdo, trust me, it's all worth it. We've put up with everyone and their opinions for 6 years now but I wouldn't change a thing, I've got the best, coolest, secure, happiest kids ever! treating them like people, and people that you love is the best thing you can do and I see that in you.

also, do you have a wrap or a sling?

much much much!

i STILL have a family bed! ha! they barely make room for me anymore :)

i make it a point to not hide the fact that we co-sleep because i don't want it to seem like a 'shameful' thing. i know that a lot of families do it but just don't tell because they don't want to be looked down upon. if people were more honest about it then maybe it wouldn't be such a faux pas.

i have had many people tell me that i'm going to "regret it later" (oh, hey, thanks for judging me and telling me how i'll feel) because you know, a few years out of a lifetime of sleeping with your parents is just ooooh so bad. life is too short and it amazes me when people forget this.

Well the Uber-cool pump backpack that you pick which is supposed to be there any time now should help.
There was a small issue at Amazon but I am confident it is in route to you as we speak

What a cool pump system. Hope it makes life a little easier for you and your family.


nice. i love the whole co sleeping philosophy...

Hi Ana,

I pump 6+ times a day because I work away from home - been at it four months now. Yesterday I was laughing at something I thought of, out loud, while pumping (in the bathroom... barbaric!!) and someone came in. It gets SOOOO boring Doh. I pump at the computer at home. I have had many moments where I thought I wouldn't make, can't do it anymore, but my poor baby taking formula (yuck!!) keeps me going.

Every time I have a supply problem I remind myself that formula for him is like eating at McDonalds. It always is kinda gross, you don't want to do it often, but once in awhile isn't the end of the world. He's only ever had 7 ounces of formula in his 5 1/2 months, and some of that was due to my being hospitalized for hemorrhaging and on medication that forced me to pump and dump.

On the issue of co-sleeping, this is my second baby and I co-sleep with him just like I did with my first boy (10 years old come 9/11). And when it comes to having daddy in bed, with boy #1 his father started awake one night when I shifted a little and actually shoved me out of bed because he was afraid that *I* had just rolled on the baby. He was just as acutely aware of where the baby was. Let the naysayers put that in their hats and smoke it!

Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to let you know that the pumping is worth the insanity it brings, and co-sleeping is exactly as it is supposed to be for mom AND dad. Congrats!

to claim your prize
please tell me the prize is not the baby!

hey, congratulations! i popped over here because i figured you'd have had her by now... and i'm right! (but like two weeks late.)

anyway. co-sleeping. the vast majority of rollover deaths in co-sleeping happen because the adult is drunk. that IS more likely to be the dad, for the reason that it's less likely that a nursing mother would be drinking. but that doesn't mean that dads are inherently dangerous! most sober dads should be fine.

i do not think that i will co-sleep if I ever have a baby, largely because i'm a deep sleeper and i arrange pillows around my body in a weird way, and my fiance does suffer from sleep apnea. but, that's just us. my best friend did it with no trouble when she was a single mother. most ppl think it's easier for nursing and for the mom to actually get some sleep. there's a thing ppl can get for the baby to sleep in between the parents, if they're really worried, and if i have a kid i might go that route.

I'm having a baby in 6-ish weeks and would totally co-sleep, except my husband does what I call the croc death roll in his sleep. He even started to roll on my giant baby belly once! I still might try to sleep with the little dude on my side, but bought a playpen with a bassinet just in case.

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