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trance missions

from thee ana m0thership

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iconz by rouk

i wish i had the energy to figure out my digital camera again, but i don't!
so here's one from the cam taken today :)

i will give you a full account birth story soon.

but right now we are all exhausted and overstimulated.
thank you everyone for your well wishes!

we all need to recuperate and regroup and swaddle ourselves.

i wish i also had the energy to tell you all more now but my bottom is so sore that it hurts to sit at this desk chair and i need to go lay down again and have some time with my man and child.


p.s. i will say that it is true birth is the most painful experience EVER.
and it is a total lie that you forget the pain as soon as the child is born.
i remember every last traumatizing second of it!
but of course she is worth it!
but ya....wow...i was not at all prepared for how PAINFUL that would be!
i screamed like a wounded animal pretty much the entire time (and i mean SCRRRREEAAAMMMED!)
it was completely primal.
i had to push for over 2 hours!
i only had to get ONE stitch :)
thank god i made it through.
i couldn't have done it without M :)

edit to my post that i made in the pregnant lj community...added here, as well, just in case...

look, i will edit my post which explains, briefly, my birth experience (because i seem to have raised some fears and that was NOT my intention) and say what i should have said is birth has been the most painful experience for ME.
i did not mean to say that birth is ALWAYS the most painful experience for EVERYONE.
i am well aware that some women even have orgasmic births, and believe me, i really wish i had experienced that
i was open for it to happen.
we all have our different birth experiences ranging a full spectrum and beyond of sensations, both emotional and physical..
this was MY experience, and i'm not going to lie or sugar coat it.

that being said, i'm GLAD that i had a med free birth, as painful as it was, because FOR ME the dangers of meds and epidurals is not worth the risk to me or to my child.
for ME labor is called LABOR for a reason.
yes it was traumatic.
it was horrible, i'm not going to lie.
but in the end, it was only ONE day out of my life and i have to keep that in perspective.

also, i don't know if some people realize that giving birth without any medical intervention such as pain medication IS an empowering experience in that now i know what my body and mind are fully capable of doing that.
i DO know that our bodies ARE meant to give birth and that it CAN be done and fear can be overcome on this.
of course this positive aspect of it all has yet to fully come to the forefront in my mind because it's only been 24 hours since i've given birth and i'm here in my house right now hobbling around still.
but i do know that it is there, in my mind.
i'm glad i did it.

IN MY OPINION, i think it would be foolish for anyone to take my birth experience and make any decisions on how they want to give birth because of it.

as i've said, some people have WONDERFUL no meds childbirth.
and some people have NIGHTMARE birth experiences when given all the "comforts" of every single kind of medical intervention possible.
there is NO guarantee ever on what kind of birth YOU are going to have.
all you can do is be open to the possibility that anything can happen when you give birth and be prepared, as much as you can, for all possibilities.

this was MY experience giving birth to my 1st child.

YOU will have a different experience uniquely yours, no matter what you choose.
IN MY OPINION, i don't think you can "choose" a birth experience.
your birth experience is just going to happen to you.
and that is that.
you cannot guarantee anything.
you can only go with the flow once it starts happening.

my only words of advice i can give to anyone from this is:
you CAN do it!
you won't explode, break, or split in 1/2, even tho it may feel like you are going to at the time.
and keep in perspective that this is only one day in your life, and it will pass.

i hope this clarifies my post.

thank you for everyone who gave me well wishes :)


A thousand congratulations to all three of you!

you made a person! another strong, beautiful woman for the world =)

she is so beautiful! you are amazing.

Congrats to you and your family.
She is beautiful!

too true, indeed ... never, ever forget that pain ... my daughter is 10 and i still won't do it again ...
good job ... she is beautiful.

What a sweetheart.

Congratulations to all of you :)

Well done. Hi Lili. 8~)

My children are 9 and 12 and I still remember the pain of childbirth even though it wasn't me giving birth.

She's beautiful!!!

I can see that she has some of your features. Sorry it was so hard for you. I know you don't want to hear it, but I pushed twice, and slept in between contractions. (*says quickly and runs away*) I'm so glad you screamed, and let some of it out anyway. You *looked* very primal. Some mothers day maybe you will joke with Lilli about it and laugh. Maybe in 18 years? :)

Re: She's beautiful!!!

Hi, ma'am :)

>>Some mothers day maybe you will joke with Lilli about it and laugh. Maybe in 18 years? :) <<

LOL, maybe when it's Lili's turn to give birth, huh? :D

THERE'S that precious kitty moon face! =]
thank you for giving an update ana, i've been thinking about you and lili and m continuously and wondering how it all went. i'm so incredibly happy for you!!

hey it's a cute little baby!!!!

omg, i was actually worried because you are so tiny. for some reason a relative of mine had both ceasarean, but even tho she's small like you she's got big ol' "child bearing hips", which you do not!!! honestly, i think she just wanted to be knocked out and wake up with a baby! lol

so did you warn your neighbors there might be a lot of strange noises coming from your apartment last night? I can just see the police showing up!:)

oh ana, you are so beautiful, and your family now is a brilliant one.

you are all in my heart. heal soon, sweet woman. or now, mother.


wow--she's fabulously gorgeous!
i would never had said so beforehand, but yeah, most intense pain ever. i made sounds i never knew could come out of my body, or any human body, for that matter. it was like it was coming from a deep, deep well inside me, sounds and pressure in my body that made me feel what it must be like to come from that warm, watery place and, for the first time, breathe the sharp, cold air of the outside world. intense! i will never forget it...congratulations on making it through! she is so lovely...

she's beautiful. :)

with my last labor, my husband was shocked no one called the police, because it sound like "someone was being murdered". :P my throat was raw.

I don't think it's true you forget right away, but the memory definitely dulls with age.

happy babymoon!