ana voog (ana) wrote,
ana voog
ana

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for a moment, i was shiva

from 4:51pm



wow, i just had THEE most intense dreams during my nap!
i will attempt to write them down but there is no way i can convey it to you really, i write this down mostly for myself to remember it.
i was doing a show. it's starts out that i am inside a paper lantern that folds around like like an accordian or fan, it's hard to describe the exact shape.
it's really cheesy and simple (and has eyes like a jack o lantern) except for the fact that while i am in it, i am levitating it in midair, although the audience will think this is just some sort of magician's trick and not real levitation.
i have a really cheesy and happy song that goes with this part as i am in the reddish orange lantern levitating and making it turn clockwise faster and faster as the music speeds up.
the music is like a russian children's folk song and there aren't any words to it except for just "moscow moscow la de da de da da Hey!"
there is an entire dance that goes with this that is very simple. i have to assistants to each side of me in moscow disco glitter attire doing this dance. it's effect is to be silly like something from "sprockets" on sat nite live.
(not many people remember the sprockets skits, i don't know why, they were the best, maybe i can go find some on youtube)
the song is sung in a manly voice, so when i reveal myself underneath the lantern to be a small girl, there is the element of that surprise, also the element of surprise that i am still levitating, but people still think this is just an ordinary magician's trick although impressive.
i am wearing my silk nightgown from the 20's all torn up.
before i went on, people were laughing at my attire because it was so shredded it revealed a lot of nudity.

the song starts to fade into one note. it's me singing one note very much like the background of laurie anderson's "o superman" very pulsating and perfect.
i start to fly around the audience and i do twirls and flips and dives and get right into their faces.
at first people don't understand this and then they think "oh, it's a hologram"
that is until as i whiz by a few people i touch them while i sing and look into their eyes as if to say "is THIS a hologram?"
i then return to the stage and become a 5 dimensional merkabah that showers pure infinite love into the hearts of any who are willing to recieve it.


(like this but more complex like the drawing above. and also in every colour)

the ones who receive it don't think it is part of show the show, they just think that they are so swept up in the experience of the show and the multicoloured diamond like merkabah spinning that they are overcome with joy at the sight of something so beautiful and spectacular.
i then return to my original form and go back inside the paper lantern and spin it again, this time more slowly, and i chant in one note lower "go go go go go go go go go go go"
and then that is the end of the show.

but there is a second part to this dream.
(i usually have several versaions of my dream happening simultaneously)

i rise above the crowd, singing my one note.
the sky is completely dark.
i know that probably not many can even hear me sing the one note when i am up that high, but i do it anyway, because i want to experiment.
i let myself sing this one note and then it feels like i am singing many layers of that one note.
all the notes start to become delayed on top of each other so they are not in synchronicity anymore, but they are making sense at a higher level.
i actually start sounding, for lack of a better way to explain it, like yoko ono doing one her long shrilly stuttered shriek things, but as if there are 16 of her all in the delay.
i start to become multidimensional, the sound is changing me.
the tip of my tongue, representing the many dots of the note, all form together to make a serpent like shape, as i move. like when you do acid and you see trails.
i become something that looks like across between shiva and kali.
i have many arms, too many to count, but for some reason i want to say 16.
i am glowing brilliant emerald green and i am layers and layers and layers of this being.
for anyone whose ever done acid, you'll understand what i mean, how that looks.
the layers and trails, it's impossible to describe.
the vibrations of this note and the sound it makes and how it changes me and who i become overwhelm me so much , i am so moved i start to cry, which then brings me to my original form.
i am deeply moved and humbled by this experience and forever changed, knowing that i have within me this ability to do such a beautiful thing that i do not even understand.
but it wasn't really me but me going with the flow of it. trusting my instinct to move like this and sing like that at certain times which brought about the transformation.

i wake up at this point because i am actually crying.



i go back into a semi sleep state just to try and capture more of this feeling of being an emerald green glowing multidimentional shiva and the notes that flow through and from my body.

in my dream, i then must get off the stage and other people are waiting to go on.
for some reason the entiire back stage is like a nightclub and i am back in my ripped up 20's nightgown.
and, i don't know why, but the rooms have a LOT of really cute black guys in them, all with british accents.
they are all hitting on me but i don't trust any of them, as smart as they are dressed, and english accent or not.

i find a room to play in where i can fly again.
i fly around with pots and pans clanging them.
i whack the piano with....a cane. i have a cane that is black and white striped. but it's very old so it's more like brown and black striped. it's from the vaudeville days.
i smash lightbulbs and vases to go with my rythym.
i hope that no one minds because i am creating something new and beautiful and these things can be replaced.

i decide to start an experimental band like this where we just hit weird stuff and see what comes out.
some girl comes up to me and asks me how did i like my show.
she said did it make me feel special?
i feel odd at her questioning.
like does she really want to know or is she jealous of me or what?
i say to her, truthfully, that my favourite part of the show was the juxtaposition of the paper lantern with the 5 dimensional merkabah.
i said that really cracked me up to go from that one extreme to the other and i would hope that more people would see how funny that was and notice the difference but also the similiarities (the paper lantern was very geometrical like the merkabah) and see how these sort of things are repeated everywhere in our lives.

---

anyway, i'm never going to forget that dream. that ones a keeper.
i really needed a fantastically good dream like that right about now and so i thank the universe for it.
i feel fortified from it.
i really DID become shiva/kali and i will never forget that feeling (how could one???)
feeling that tone resonate through me like an orgasm almost.
it was too much to bear.

i so rarely have good dreams , like maybe 2 a year if i am lucky.
and only a handful, not even, that i remember because they were exceptional.
this was an exceptional dream.

i can't believe i went and did all i did today, and then took a nap and did the most amazing show i have ever done in my life, PLUS learned how to become shiva/kali and now i am back in my room, like wendy from one of her trips to neverland (michael jackson really ruined the word, didn't he?)
and it's only 5:33pm
it's so completely unreal. i feel as if i have spent many days within one day and i still could have many more days in this day if i went for a walk or something.
the sun is still out full force.
a very odd odd feeling.
it's seems as tho it should be the middle of the night now not full fledged daytime, rushhour traffic.

well, time to take another antibiotic. i take one 3 times a day for ten days.
(swollen glands, infected middle finger)

life is truly extraordinary. i don't know how else to put it.
and now i seriously don't know how i could ever do a live show that could compete with what my show i did in my dream was in at any level whatsoever.
very frustrating.
but at least i do know that in some other dimension i am doing it.

i have that "moscow" song stuck in my head.
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