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ana

trance missions

from thee ana m0thership


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good morning
side face
ana
making coffee.
i wonder if my doctor will call in my prescription today.
i am having a psychiatrist drama at the moment where she has fallen off the grid and won't get back to me or refill my prescription. she has done this to me 3 times now.
so i am switching to a new person. but i do not see this new person until feb 27th.
so...i do not know what will happen. i am scared because the last time this happened to me i ended up in the hospital because i tried to wean myself off my prescriptions by myself thinking it would be no big deal because it never had been before.

for the record here, i have finally been diagnosed as having PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)
so that is why i take this. plus i see a psychologist once a week and we do mind/body therapy which is very good.

*whew* whatever. boring.
so, i hope she calls it in today. or i hope i survive until feb 27th.
i will. i will.

and i am going to report this person to the board for being unethical.
my psychologist agrees i should do this. this has happened to me too many times with this person where they have left me high and dry.

so i have that tense little drama going on with me right now.

it's been nice to finally have an ipod that my friend, stanley, graciously gave me. it has really opened up my world again in taking photos. and also the decision to move back to livejournal my world does not seem so confined to the filters of facebook.

plus i am more active on tumblr now.
i want to go back to my website and do things there but i have a new version of macromedia dreamweaver that i cannot figure out.

i've had it for about a year and every time i turn it on and say YES, i am going to DO THIS. it just boggles my mind.

almost every single function about it is different than my last version.
so far i have figured out how to upload one new index page. it is that counter intuitive for me.

but i must get in there in some way. there are so many broken links to fix.
and i want to mirror what i write onto my website so i have a copy.

that is why i left facebook for journaling because you cannot access anything you write there from a calendar. and as the years went by this got to be more and more of a problem.

it was the last straw when the other day i was trying to find out on what day was the day that deiter died last year. and i could not get to that time, i could only get "earlier" or "later" but never find out what i wrote on that day and a few days before that day and after to reflect on how far i'd come since his death because it had a major impact on me

well i guess i do not need to rehash that. i have already written about it. i just need to get access to it and archive it on MY website.

shifting gears...
today is another grey day. "wintry mix" is the weather.
i am glad i bought a full spectrum light bulb. i will blast that thing today.
oh heck, i just realized i can bring it inot the kitchen with me now.
huzzah.
that is what i need.
and to make a new pot of coffee because the smell and sound of that always comforts me.

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That psychiatrist must be reported! The doctor is supposed to be helpful, not someone who ADDS to your anxiety, argh. Meanwhile, I hope the full spectrum lightbulb helps. And home brewed coffee is always a good thing.

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