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choosing your perceptions
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ana
it is interesting to me how what i share with the world tends to either bring out the incredible darkness in others, or the side of light.
here are two completely opposite responses i received today in regards to lili, her condition, and me being the mother of her.

the dark (this is a response in support of a person on lj who was a jerk to me, telling me that all i do all day is sit on my ass in front of my webcam and think up silly middle names for my daughter...):

"So, this narcissistic exhibitionist, by the power vested in her, brought bad Karma on you for expressing an opinion??? Such self-import!!
I think the G*dess was very wise. A "normal" child would have a miserable life of humiliation and embarrassment that her mother made a living by constantly photographing her private parts for the world. My guess is that when the attention and novelty wears off, the grandparents will be raising the wee one. Sickness; it's what's for breakfast."

---

the light (an email i received today which brought tears of joy to my eyes. one of the most kind emails i have ever received in all my life)

"as with many others.... we followed your pregnancy and celebrated birth and neu life with you and m. my girls are ana fans from its inception..... being themselves internet pioneers....... first on the front and still broadcasting the tru pulse. as early instigators of altar-native life styling......... we support the sovereign spirit in all creative life.... and commend you on your unique authenticity.

but this is not really what i came to say to you.

i read that sweet lili is a downs baby and decided that the love woven within her is worth the extension to stand in witness of. there is something very special about these souls...... and if they are nurtured and honored in love and acceptance..... the radiant love that they exude is quite unlike any other...... with golden hearts that stand as example and reminder to us all. many of this xtra chromosome group are pressured out of their innately wonder-full natures by the weight of resentment inflicted by parents and family who - out of their own vanity - cannot accept them as the gift that they are.

you ana voog have been a champion of the tolerant spirit. challenging those of narrow mind and constricted heart to face up to the limitations of prejudice and exclusiveness........ to show their tru face and shine in celebration of ALL the facets of this Diamond Life...... re-cognizing UNIty dancing within diversity. in your love and honoring of little lili.... and your willingness to share this journey of motherhood with the world....... have the opportunity to teach acceptance in neu ways......... and expand many hearts.

i just wanted to let you know (and i am sure you already do)..... how many tender arms embrace you.... lili...... and michael...... on the Inr planes and outer world....... and how many of us here in the cyberlight support you..

welcome to the 'world of woman' dear ana....... the rite of passage had only through the birthing of a child. no longer a girl (un)dressing up or down....... you are now a Goddess with the power to transform.

sending you deepheart love and the strength of soul that calls forth the Excellence in ALL."

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Thank you for sharing this.
The sad fact is there are creators and destroyers. Light and Dark. From a grand perspective "Half the day is night"

From a local perspective -It still doesn't make encounters with destroyers anymore pleasant.

From my point of view you have been given an exceptional child because you are an exceptional woman.

You have achieved what I, in my 55 years, have not been able to do. The older I get the more I see that birth is truly our mission. There are many, many worthwhile purposes in life - however they are grace notes and not the melody. You have set another pair of feet, however tiny at the moment, on the dance floor.

My policy is to make the hater's life hateful and the lover's life lovely. :)

I do this for a number of reasons .. The people who love have proven to be worthwhile and shine in my life. Like a gemstone they just get brighter and brighter with wear.
The other folks ... well I quote the eternal wisdom of Cheech and Chong

"You can not polish a trud"





Private parts ??????????

last I checked parts is parts..

My "Private" parts are parts just like my ears and my toes

"I may not be certain about the existence of God .. But I am Damn certain you are not Him" ... Me ..1999

that second letter is so beautiful. you have an amazing family and I have no doubt that lili will grow up to be a happy and loved child. I do agree with what she said about downs children. I remember being at a pool and this little boy with downs came up to me and just wrapped his arms around me. I looked down at him and he just gave me this huge smile and then walked off. there is absolutely nothing that says people with any sort of disability can't live a full and rich life and in some way they live a more rich one because of the struggles they may face it makes them appreciate things much more.

it's been an amazing journey to watch you grow into being a mother and I feel very lucky that I discovered you on tv late one night and got to find out more about your world through your blog.

I am an early childhood teacher and have worked in various different childcare settings as well as schools and i have to completely agree with the author of the second letter.

Down syndrome children (and adults alike) have hearts of absolute gold! of all the children i have worked with i remember every single one with downs as they are SO loving with such a happy, friendly nature. (I especially remember a set of down syndrome twins, one boy was 100% innocent and the other had a cheeky streak, always trying to get his brother in trouble, they were a delight to know)

Learn what you can about downs and you will be able to nurture a beautiful girl, Lili will bring much happiness to your life (Downs or not)

Hi to both of you since I am responding from someone else's comments.

People are really going to suprise you with their ignorance but you're going to discover the best in people ( like you mentioned above ) You're also going to meet some of the best people in the world in the future. You're definately going to find out who your friends are. Weed em' out. You don't need all that negativity in your life. You seriously don't have time for it.

There are quite a few online e-mail groups geared towards families of children with down syndrome. I like them because I can get different perspectives and information for issues and they can't judge you for what you look like and they all don't know anything about you or your private parts :op
( somebody sounded jealous )

While DS kids are very sweet, loving etc, they're also real people and they also have emotions, needs, wants, interests etc. I don't know yet if you have any other children but you'll find that Lili is pretty close to being typical and not much different from "normal" babies. Dominic is also obsessed with Elmo and honey Teddy Grahams. Though he prefers books over cartoons and Sesame St. He also knows more sign language than I do. He just turned 2.

Here's my e-mail address and contact info if you want to talk or if you have any questions...

jennkoczan@yahoo.com

574-876-5417 is my cell #. I stay up late and get up early. Ana, I'm not going to start offering advice for what you need to start doing until you ask for it. I felt obligated to tell you that..

Sadly, miserable people have nothing better to do than try to make others miserable. And they find any excuse to do it..


IF Lili has Downs, how does that make her any less of a person who comes into the world pure love? HOW does your art/life make her not 'normal'? I find that person's opinions vile and ignorant.

ANY baby is LOVE, pure love. She came to you as a spirit because she WANTED to be your child, to have you raise her and to get this life experience. Downs Syndrome or not-she's a beautiful little baby, who everyone should be sending energy of love and good wishes to for a happy life. For this freakperson to express all this negative toxic venom at you and Lili brings out the TigerMomma in me.

To you and Lili--May you always live as lightworkers, may you always have love and light to repel the negative, may you always be blessed by love.




Anything I say will just be a repeat of what all these others have just said.
I have only known 2 individuals with downs, one was a small boy and he had a hug for me every time he saw me. "hug and run" He stole my heart. And a 50 year old girl who I spent many hours colouring with. The only time I ever saw her without a BIG smile on her face was when she was asleep. I love her.
lili is already a delight, and God found the best parents for her.
All of the previous comments, well I guess I can just say "Ditto".


Paul and I were talking about this today, and we came to the realization that Lili has found herself an exceptional mother--one who is specially equipped to accept her, just as she is, and to love her for who she is, rather than in spite of it.

There can be no better situation than that, for ANY child.

All children are gifts, and at the same time, all children have issues as well--issues that require special nurture, special handling, special attention. Parents have choices to either view these issues as "problems", or as parts of this tiny life requiring the kind of understanding that only a parent can give, and only a parent can support. No child is "perfect"--and yet all children are perfect, in that they are all perfectly themselves, and, with Mommy and Daddy standing by, grow into the adults they will learn to be.

I read that first bit with no small pain, because so long as there are people who see children with Downs as somehow more flawed than the rest of us, or some sort of "curse" from the Universe, or "punishment" from life, then they will always have to deal with people who cannot accept them as the gifts that they are--people who can't see past the "problem" to the individuals that they are. And what's really sad is that that person views Lili from what they consider a vantage point of "normalcy", when they are, obviously, far more flawed than she will ever be, because a soul incapable of seeing the inherent joy in the birth of a new life, and the impossible beauty of the creation of a family, is in much deeper trouble than the souls that you all possess.

Given the choice between raising a child like Lili and a child who grows up without compassion and without the ability to see beauty and without the native kindness it takes to accept the world and its people for who they are--I'll take a child like Lili. And if being "normal" turns a mind and a heart sick and twisted and hateful, then I'll put "normal" on the trash heap.

I'm insanely proud of you. Insanely.

Much love to all of you.

Your ability to shake your head and shrug off the dark and accept the light is most likely why you were hand picked by God to accept this little angel into your life. With positive energy and love Lili will blossom into the brightest flower. You will learn that her smile will have the ability to light up a room.


the last part was extremely powerful and beautiful.

Love it. And totally agree with it. :) (The second one, of course)

Well written!

Thank you to the lady for so elegantly saying what so many feel......You are a blessing of light radiance......Lili is a vibration that will spread into the world.......I loves you all 3 very much My sweet Ana!

It makes me cringe how some people are all to quick to offer out their advices and are quick to get spiteful when a so-called advice is rejected, due to the inability to see someone and all that they are properly. I read the previous dark comments made and was shocked at how spiteful someone can be at one of the most precious times in someones life. Talk about not helping but tarnish something so precious. Especially of late i feel your entries should be full of love and joy with all friends that choose to read you. If someone cant refrain from spoiling such joy and important time especially they should move aside and begone.
Your a much stronger person than me, that persons comments would have ruined alot for me. Im glad for you you can overide such comments and glad that there are many other people who recognise all that you are and the light comes out to banish away and outweigh the dark of some people.

Some people would be struggling to feel love and happiness to find their child has downs. Its sad but true. Again you just show strength, love and many other natural capabilities than someone just cant possibly know about by reading clippets that you choose to show. I struggle why there seems to be quite a lot of people that cant recognise there is far more than what someone shares on a screen.

Anyway, i waffle a lot so il halt now heh.

In amomgst the downers of some peoples words because some people cant help it, im sure you bring out countless words of admiration and inspire to many in a good way. You are magnetic and thats a quality not everyone has.

Love your family photos to.


ana, i'm so sorry you have to deal with such negative people that want to do nothing more than bring you down with their mean words. such is life i guess, especially more so when you're in the pulic eye. you're incredibly strong and wonderful for handling it the way you do, a goddess .. yes! *hugs*

Oh honey, I love you so much. This embrace is the best.. I'm sending out so much love to the three of you. I am falling in love with lili, she is just precious.

Okay the first one creeps me out on a very deep level.



The other email is stunningly beautiful, and wonderfully expressive. Always remember for each off balance person who attacks you, there are so many more who appreciate and embrace the life you have chosen to share with us.

I couldn't agree more with the lady of light... I was going to write you something similar about how amazing I think you are and how Lilli couldn't have found a better set of parents to love and accept her... After a while, message after message is overkill.. but I've followed you thru the entire process and have found myself getting so excited over every new development.. children are children... People keep saying wonderful things about people they've experienced with Downs and that's all well and good, they're trying to encourage you... but no matter what, she is your beautiful, wonderful child and she will always be incredibly loving and warm and a blessed soul because she will be just like her mother... YOU are a wonderful mother already.... Don't let the others get you down... Criticism is a form of flattery, they care enough to read all your entries, they must in some way be interested.. haha...

love and hugs to you darling woman... your family is beautiful..

It upsets me so much when people are so quick to judge based solely on a glimpse into someone else's life. I really don't know you all that well, but you come highly regarded by a friend of mine who's judgment I value implicitly, so already I feel angry that someone would treat you in such a way, some people just really need to look in a mirror before they attack others.

As far as Lili, she's absolutely gorgeous and couldn't have been born to a more loving and accepting family. I had a cousin who was born with Down's, and I agree with everyone else who's posted on the subject, they are simply the happiest, sweetest souls...

re-cognizing UNIty dancing within diversity

amazing contrast. i love these words: "re-cognizing UNIty dancing within diversity" and i agree that you and m are so loving and sensitive and have so much compassion- i believe you will allow lili to be who she is 100% and love her no matter what and accept her as she is. very touching words. well put. i am glad you are getting support and not just negative feedback. yeah for positive people.

That first poster's mama must have done something REEAAAALY bad :)

How one treats others is a reflection of how they feel about themself.

wow - what an incredibly kind woman.

Chosing your perceptions

Big Congrats to you both. I do not know you personally but I am a huge fan of your crochet. You have been so blessed with Lili, and if I may just say my opinion....I truly believe that the powers above or whatever you believe in, knows who can handle special children,who can love them no matter what and help them grow up to be wonderful adults. To me you and M were chosen for that because you are both able to do it and handle it. To me there just isn't any other explanation. Many Blessings

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