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ana

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being thankful
iconz by rouk
ana
it really doesn't seem like winter here. at night it will get down to freezing but never by much.
it's really pretty frightening that the last 5 years or so we have hardly seen a speck of snow up here in minnesota.
winters are more like the fall.
things stay around 40 degrees or more.
this is nice but i actually desperately miss snowdrifts, and snow that squeaks, and catching snowflakes on your tongue, making snow angels, and snowmen. even a snowball would be nice. i really miss snow and the crisp white feeling it gave to everything. the "smell" of snow, too, has it own scent which is kind of a lack of scent...just this amazing "clear" smell. i miss icicles which are magical. i miss the sound of frozen water crunching under my feet. last year i saw GREEN grass in february. that is just not right. even the annual ice sculpture contest has been in jeapordy for years now.
and ice skating, or even ice fishing even on the most northern of lakes, forget about it. it seems more people drown each year due to trying to walk on lakes that have not properly frozen over.

global warming. gah.

the innuit in canada have it worse. the glaciers are melting, the animals are dying out, everything is out of whack.

having lived here all my entire life of 40 years, i can say for certain things are completely different here now.

corn doesn't grow as high, things are just off balance everywhere.

the tiger is almost extinct now. bbc news say the ocean will be dead in 50 years.

we're next.

i'm glad i got to see the earth when it was plentiful.
i'm both happy and sad that i got to experience living in america in the most gluttunous time in history.
when one could take a full bubble bath every 5 minutes if you wanted to, full of fresh clean water each time.

i have luxuriated in water, drank from the faucet when it was actually tasting ok to do so, i swam in pools of crystal clear springs in south dakota,
i washed my dishes and clothes in as much water as i wanted. hot or cold.
i have lived the life of a king on 5,000 a year.
i can buy any fruit, vegetable, mineral, or animal from anywhere in the world and have it flown to me directly overnight and with a bow.

i am in the middle of the continent and i can still order sushi, or bananas, whuich everyone takes for granted.
if i want i can drink pure mango juice freshly squeezed.

i have had electric blankets, thermostats, and access to exotic fibers and which to spin on my wheel.

i have had the HONOUR of being able to afford and feed 3 extradinary souls, which happen to be purebred dogs from china and japan,
something only queen elizabeth had the luxury of once.

i have glass pears, tiger lilies, yellow roses, lamps i can leave on all night long.

i have had access to pure resins and oils of amber, rose, and sandalwood.

i have burned pure frankincense even in my most poorest time.

salt costs nothing.

i have an air conditioner, a telephone, a computer.

i have robes made from the finest silk from the 20's.

i have been able to intricately watch many people and cultures through many mediums and had the time to actually think about it.

i can throw paper away.

i have heard music from all over the world and never even had to leave my home to hear it.

i have lived in the most gluttunous and luxurious of times.

this is soon to end, i know it and i always have.
this is why i have always been so grateful for all i receive and my experiences.

i have eaten flying fish eggs. i have rubbed my body in toasted sesame oil.

most importantly of all, i have had the TIME to truly appreciate all of this.
to think upon it without being forced to work in a coal mine or a diamond mine.

yes, i have worked retail, and i have mopped up blood and vomit from hospitals,
and i have been to the very bottom of everything, laying in the street babblling like a crazy person,
forced into institutions against my will and then given a ridiculous bill i could never pay,
i have been treated like shit, like garbage, even by the ones who said they loved me.
i have been stalked, almost murdered and raped several times, kidnapped...
and had no one ever take me seriously on it. actually ridiculed further, so i don't even speak of it now.

but i have to say, if i died today, which i hope i don't), i have lived a very extraordinary life for what i was given to work with.
i have stood on the stage the beatles were introduced to america, i have met many of the people who make me want to expand further into the realms of everything. and some have broken my heart in the process.

i have been in extraordinary circumstances in extraordinary places.
i have been at the right place at the right time on many an occasion, and many not.

i have made horrible mistakes which i have (hopefully) learned from.
i have been unfortunately glorified and pissed on.

i have tried being a slave and being a master.
i am good at both.
i have seeked the middle ground.

i still feel like i am in kindergarten.
but i really love my life, as frustrating and gorgeous as it is.
and i really am thankful to have lived during this time, even tho sadly, it was the beginning of the end.

i look forward to all new beginnings.
and i thank my planet earth for letting me partake in it's luxuries.
i will be here always to serve earth in any way i can.

long live earth, and it's creatures, who are all one, we included, even tho it seems we don't deserve it.

i bow to broccoli, and sharks, and the duckbilled platypus.
i bow to the giraffes and those weird deep sea creatures that glow in the dark.
i bow to the humble potato, twig and leaf.
i bow to all creatures wild or domesticated, i bow to typewriter ribbons, bandaids, and most especially , toilet paper.

i bow to bones and dirt and mold and maggots.

i bow to granite, amber, or the common "rock"

i bow to gravel, and fog. tea and sludge.

thank you volcanoes and hurricanes.

thank you bacteria, viruses, and licorice altoids.

thank you for the xerox machine and the smell of ink.

thank you for time which allows me to luxurite in all of this to a torturous degree so that i have the option to notice the process of everything.

thank you aging and lipgloss.

thank you to everything i have yet to experience, if even for a single more second.

time on earth has been well spent.
and i look forward to returning, if i may have the lucky chance to do so.

thank you coral for being so patient.

thank you cow and chicken and corn for your incredicle sacrifice.
we can only hope to learn from you someday.

thank you sun for all all your extroversion, thank you moon, for showing us inner things.

i thank my body for working so well all of my life.
so efficient!
i have had a really good body. i am very fortunate.
i can digest almost anything and i really should pay more attention to it.
thank you for sticking by me even when my head is "in the clouds"

thank you fingers and toes and universe.

and to the guy who tried to rape me, thank you , too, you should me "difference" and started my journey in a big way.
even tho i still secretly wish you to fry for all of eternity, the paradox is that you did have some sort of purpose.
but man, next life, do something different, k?

i want to learn through joy and not pain now.


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you my friend, are a beautiful soul, thank you for being!

you're wonderful.

Thank you, I needed that.

Oh I'm glad your little wookie is eating! I've been following your posts and worrying! ^_~ Never time to post while I'm at work though.

Again thank you.

What a wonderful, wonderful post.

this post is why i love you, ana. :)

If you love snow & ice and the bleakness of winter as much as I do, you really ought to read the mystery Smilla's Sense Of Snow. I can't recommend it enough. :)

And I love the poetry in these sentences:
"i bow to broccoli, and sharks, and the duckbilled platypus.
i bow to the giraffes and those weird deep sea creatures that glow in the dark.
i bow to the humble potato, twig and leaf.
i bow to all creatures wild or domesticated, i bow to typewriter ribbons, bandaids, and most especially , toilet paper.


Yes, we cannot forget toilet paper! ;)

I'm especially glad to hear that Sebastian is doing a bit better. I can now breathe a bit of a sigh of relief.

I think you've led an extraordinary life and continue to lead one. You are an amazing and incredibly creative and talented person. I think you see things differently from most of us and help us to see in a different way.

Thank you, ana.

that's so uplifting! i printed it out and will read it whenever i feel like crap to make me feel better!

Extremely well said...

. . . lovingkindness . . .

So beautiful I'm blogging it to Graphictruth. This is why I get your newsletter, you know. Often I don't have time to download and see the pictures, but it's the words that move me.

Yes, dear, some of us dig you for the articles. :P And thank goddess I have this to link to so that ana2.com doesn't suck down my google page rank!

I'll risk pointing it out here though.

I don't know i missed this post before.What a beautiful & important thing,esp. 'now':)

this is beautiful, ana voog.

i've been thinking about you lately. i miss you.
it sounds like things are amazing for you. congrats on the new creature.

love,
cera

thanks 4 being ana. i am less lonley with you here. i've been goin through another rough patch...family stuff. etc...

feel very unstable. work keeps me going. structure keeps me alive. thanks to structure. i sometimes have no one to lean on. but just me. thanks for being here ana and being brave and strong and vulnerable both.

love, shannon

That was one of the most beautiful entries I've ever read on livejournal. I hope it's OK that I add you to my friends list. Let me know if not, and I will remove. I'm Diane. :)

this is beautiful. i am so happy i stumbled upon this. thank you.

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